Nomenclature

I had no desire to rouse Leviathan. The worldly strength of this enemy has proved formidable. His teeth are thin blades that I must embed in my skin. His claws are at my side, his venom keeps me alive. He is an enemy intent on destroying me, and I cannot defeat him. In facing him, I only see his inevitable victory over me.

I do not expect to be skilled enough to train leviathan. I cannot, by sheer force of will, leash him to conform to my demands. My own body is untamable. It will continue to force the decline of itself. I might pierce his jaw, but it yields only temporary gain. I will die at the bloody hands of this leviathan (barring a miraculous healing or the rapture). Yet I am required to keep leviathan at bay, as long as possible, knowing I will, in the end, be overcome.

So I wrestle with this unbeatable foe, a thorn in my side. And in that I wrestle with God in how to react and submit to His ruling in this.

Introductions

The understanding of most people, as to the nature and treatment of Type I Diabetes, is wrong. The common assumption is usually: "Oh, so you can't have sugar." Following this the uneducated and, I assume, inexperienced then say something to the effect of, "I admire you. I don't think I could handle all the needles." Every time this occurs I have an urge to throttle the offender. I subdue this initial urge and reply, "You can do a lot, when the other option is a long and painful death." I don't think many actually consider what their response to such a challenge as chronic disease would be. Instead, they state something that they think sounds nice, but only sounds hollow and dismissive, as if to ease their conscience as to the need to make their, whether true or not, sympathies known and heard.

I must here clarify that the two Types of Diabetes causes a great deal of confusion. I was admitted to the hospital on the first day of final exams. When I once again healthy enough to venture out, I went to take my circuits exam. The instructor handed me the test and in his Russian accent and slightly broken English said, "Diabetes? You are skinny, not fat. I thought Diabetes was for fat people.'' This is what people think of when they think abstractly of Diabetes: Type II Diabetes. My own grandfather made this mistake as well at first, sending me a tape with some doctor discussing treatments and possible cures of Diabetes. The problem is he only discussed changes in diet (with some herbal information thrown in) and exercising. There was no mention of continual reliance on insulin. Furthermore, this doctor never specified what type of Diabetes he was discussing. Type II Diabetes is both preventable and curable. In some cases it does require much effort, my grandfather (who had Type II) eats well and exercises for at least an hour everyday.

Type I is not at this time preventable, nor is it entirely curable. It is only treatable. It requires the same level of effort, but also requires an external source of insulin. The cause of it remains unknown, though the leading theories (auto-immune disorder and genetic viral vulnerability) are viable answers.

The way Diabetes is presented in general is as though it is not actually dangerous. That proper care will solve the problem, not just mitigate the symptoms. Type I Diabetes is the poster child of disease. It is presented in the media in an overtly positive way. "All those little drops add up to a healthier life," one ad states as small red dots came together to form a flower and butterfly, as if seeing this would make want to pierce the tips of one's fingers more than the 4-6 recommended times a day. This overly positive spin gives the public an inaccurate perception of the disease, which largely overlooks the severe health complications that accompany Diabetes. The positive essence of this disease marketing has been the acceptance of people afflicted with the disease. Most people seem to understand that eating on time is important in terms of Diabetes, and will help in the effort of eating on time. At the same time, people accept it so well, that they attempt to treat one too normally, which results in changed plans, late meals and frustrating blood sugar results. In this is a desire to both be treated as normally as possible, while at the same time treated as defined by the needs of treating Type I Diabetes.

Once again, two contradicting views of the same disease are present in my mind. I know that this will kill me one day. But, it is maintainable until that time comes. I know that I can live a relatively normal life, yet know that within twenty years I will at high risk for absolutely miserable affects such as neuropathy. There is no good that can come physically from this disease. Yet, it is presented in a positive light. The good and bad clash violently in my mind. Being told that this condition is reasonable, and to a certain extent good, is a far cry from knowing the damage that it will inevitably cause, and how much pain is associated with those effects.